Pic rally

Havent update my little bureau for quite some time. Now Im in Psychiatric posting. Another three posting to go before sitting for professional exam on June 2013. Scare much? ahaaa... yea!

Gambar comel before kena marah denagn nurse. ahaks.. rutin harian dah tu.

Now Im Burger King fanzy. Boycotting McD still. Yeah!

In HRPZ 2 Changing room. Berapa kali kena tukar cap da~

Little cuties :D

P/S; Life is too short. Short enough to play around. 

First Experience

Innalillahiwaiinailaihirajiuuunn..

DariNya kita datang dan kepadaNya kita kembali.

Lepas cover case dekat 1 Utara, I singgah 7 Selatan sebab nak jumpe pakwe.

Tak sempat jumpe pakwe pun, nampak 2 orang doktor n 4 orang nurse tengah resuscitate patient.

Wat CPR, defib patient.

Ape lagi, I pakai glove n tolong doktor wat CPR.

This is my first experience doing CPR to the real patient.

Buat CPR sampai assytole.

Innalillahiwaiinailaihirajiun.

50 y.o Malay uncle, End stage renal failure.

Tup2, katil setentang dengan pakcik tu pun nazak.

Cek2 jantung memang assystole dah.

Chinese uncle.

So malam ni, 2 patient serentak pergi.

Hmmm... tapi I rase cam dah biasa dengan kematian..

Takde lagi sad feeling whatsoeava.

Orang kata dah kalih.

Jalan balik bilik laju2.

Mandi bagai.

Tido sorang lagi sebab K.Azwa tak balik lagi.

Tapi dalam kubur pun kita sorang gak.

Oh... maut maut maut... teman yang paling selalu datang ziarah.

My little Bullek

Hohoho... She is growing so fast..
But still the little kid in our eyes...

This is what happened when I left my phone with her... Full of her gediks photos.. Ni pun I da tapis banyak da~ hahaha.. I think this is genetik from K.Ain kot... hik2... x caye, tengok album lam enset die... huahahahhaa

Die suke makan makanan mentah macam doh kuih or kek yang x masak lagi... Siap boleh marajuk kalau x simpankan  untuk die contohnya lam bulan puasa.. I da pernah try , x sedap pooonn....

This is pressie from her n my family for my 23rd bday... Die bagi name Bobby.. hahhaa... ape2 jela labu... Yang x leh blah, my sis cite, time beli bobby tu, die pun rengek2 nak jugak, tapi my mom x bagi n cakap die dah ade bantal busuk n die x suke bear pun.. Pernah bagi dulu pastu die buang rate2 lepas 2-3 hari.. Die cakap ape tau " buleh sipe... wi ko anok k.ain nga k.inin nati" hahahhaa... faham x?

oh klah.. :D

report

ah... malasnye nak wat report?
Report kali ni pasal ovarian ca = adult granulosa type with staging 1c.
Plan for BEP regime tomorrow..

Time clerk akak tu tadi die tanye..
"Dik, ape perasaan bile something yang kite nak ditarik jauh dari kita.."
Akak nak ape kak? Tanyeku blurrr..
Akak nak sihat macam orang lain, Allah beri sakit.
Akak nak suami akak, dia lari tinggalkan akak.
Akak nak anak akak temankan akak, dia pergi ikut husband dia duduk jauh dari akak..

Hmm... susah nak jawab ni.. kalau jawab, panjang huraian plak t.

Aku tahu die tahu jawapan die.
Mungkin die rasa sunyi?

Jawapan paling  mudah aku bagi.
"sabarlah akak"

Aku sambung je clerk tanpa hiraukan emotion die.
Huhu.. sianlak akak tu.

Oh licinnye muke innniiieeeyh

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hi... Ok, hujung minggu yang masyuk... Tak sabarnye nak cuti Deepa....
Nak balik nak balik nak balik...

Huhu. Hari ni mak nak ajar care wat scrub sendiri.
Senang je. Hasilnye pun memuaskan.
Mak belajar ( errr... cam geli je mak mak ni...cam nyah je u.. awww)
My friend's friend from German yang amalkan scrub ni..
Kulit die cantik U...
So far lepas I pakai , I suke la hasil die..
Biarpun x flawless lagi, tapi approaching la... ceeehhh... harapan..hahha

So, bawah ni Ingredients die

1. Honey... Pure honey k... I beli yang paling murah je kat mydin.. Yang I beli tu lam Rm11 gitu je
2. Olive oil
3. Gula
4. Lemon

Gula tu act as exfoliator.. Olive oil n honey tu as moisturizer, lemon tu antibacterial... So U all mix je sesuka rase. Tapi xyah suke sangat la. Sendiri pandai bajet.. Lemon tu ade effect pencairan.. So x yah banyak sangat. . Perah slow2, takut cair lak adunan kite ni. Olive oil pun letak sikit je.. Kawan I wat satu bekas terus.. time die nak pakai die amik je... I wat sikit2 je, sbb tade bekas besar.

Tapi dah namenye scrub. Kena pakai 3 kali seminggu je kan..Haha.. Tapi I am so addicted, tiap malam pun g scrub muke.. Tapi start esok, nak minimizekan dah.

Btw, time nak beli gule ni baru perasan, OMG gule da naik harge... hahaha... baru tahu sebab jarang sebey harga kat pasaran... muahahhaha

K,la, saje nak promot sebab BEST! Tq awak sebab ajar... hikhik

...................................................

 eh eh... sape diorang kat atas ni... cam budak2 pelik ... x mo kawanlah

Mommy, save me!

This is a story of a story.

I am a fetus in my mommy womb.
I am so excited to see the famous world.
Everyone in my life before I was being put in mommy womb were talking about how great the world is.

OPS!
Everything were so nice until I know my mommy is  a HIV  carrier during booking (First antenatal checkup).
Can I be born without being infected with those scary virus?
I am so scared... Tatoooootttttt~

Audience : awak, awak, cane awak leh dapat HIV tu dari mak awak?
Fetus        : MTCT
Audience : Ape tuuuuuu?
Fetus       : Mother to child transmission le awak... Tu pun x tau ke... Kite ade 30% risk to be   
                  infected    tau... tatooottt nii....

I am so frustrated knowing that I have that 30% of being infected, until the superhero of the world life talk to my mother..

Superhero : We can reduce the 30% to 2% risk of your fetus to be infected
Mommy    : Oh! how doctor.. tell me.. My fetus is so scared inside. He is not kicking actively
                    recently. He must be soo heartbroken.
Superhero : We start the HAART/START antenatally and intrapartum to the mother and to the
                   neonate for the first 4-6 weeks of life, delivery by elective Caeserean section, and
                   avoidance of breastfeeding.
Mommy : Oh ..Tq dr.. Now I am so relieved.. My fetus say thanks to you.. Aucchhh... He is kicking
                 now..

The end

.....................................................................................................

Oh x senang tau C-sec HIV patient ni..
Kena double glove, pakai google, disposable item, mandikan bebi cepat2, clamp cord cepat2.. semua pun nak kena cepat.. But at the same time kena careful la... kang x pasal2 kena needle pricklah apelah.. Nauzubillahiminzalik...

Berubah

I keep complaining a lot of things has changed.
Only to realise, I am the one who changed.

It takes me so long to realise this.
I thought it is fine just to care about my heart, my feeling, my selfishness.
I thought it is fine just to live my life, ignoring others.
I thought it is fine just to receive, not to give.
I thought it is fine just to be me.

During the process, I feel lonely.
Real lonely. I laugh a lot during the day, just to end up with cry at the night.
I express my anger, but not my pain inside.

I just thought it is better not to share the pain because no one will understand.
Some are happened to listen but not to understand.
Some are happened to read but misunderstand at the end.
Thus I keep my fb and blog free from my internal emotion status/writing.
I just express what was on the surface without going deeper.
I complaint about things that I couldnt care much but leaving the core problem unexposed.
I am creating a shield.

Little that I know, I am loosing more.
Things are not getting any better instead it change the world surrounds me as well.
It gives me a new life, a new problem and a new experience.
Somehow, I dont wish to lose what I have before.

Tonight,
Under the full moon, I spent my lonely night with Su.
My bestfriend during my 2nd year.
My old memories catch me, only to make me realise, how far things have changed.

Thus, to dear who I have hurt, I am deeply sorry.
We apologized to each other so many times but things never turn like before.
Now I know, the problem is me.

Rahim yang merayau rayau

Waktu zaman sekolah dulu, dengar perkataan histeria pun dah cukup menakutkan.
Tapi tak pernah la alami sendiri. Keadaan dan suasananya pun just boleh bayangkan je.

Rahim yang merayau rayau?
Hysteria actually berasal dari Greek word yang bermaksud Wandering uterus (rahim yang merayau rayau) sebab tanda histeria ni just ade di kalangan wanita time tu.

Dulu, ustaz kate orang yang hati lemah je leh dapat histeria ni. So, sape rase die x kuat jangan gi dekat pun. Tengok mata pun x boleh.. Nanti jangkit.  Actually dalam medical world, memang wujudlah term hysteria ni, under psyciatric illness. It is actually kecelaruan jelmaan disebabkan faktor psikologi. Orang yang sedang alami histeria ni, biasanya memang hilang kontrol terhadap diri sendiri dan gangguan ni berlaku tanpa sedar.

Antara punca, hati lemah dan emosi rapuh, pengalaman pahit di waktu silam, kurang attention from family,simpan persaan benci atau dendam, tekanan dari sekeliling dan terkongkong.

Biasanya ia bersifat sementara aje n x perlu medical intervention. Pesakit tu akan stop bile die rasa letih. So support and counselling wise sangatla memainkan peranan. Bagi muslim, kita harus tenangkan patient dengan suruh dia ingat Allah dan rasul.

Hmmm. Semalam I stay kat HKB, teman my auntie yang just delivered a very cute baby.. Tengah2 malam dalam pukul 3am gitu, dengar orang jerit. Suara tu lain.. pelik... pelik dari biasa.. I know sebab I wasnt sleep at all during that time. Nurse yang terjaga bangun n bukak lampu n tanye suara siapa tu. Hmm, pesakit lain pun terjaga. Semua cite hantu yang mendap dalam otak I ni start legar2.. Pastu, I dengar ade satu suara baby ni nangis tanpa henti. sayup sangat. It was like from another ward. Tapi ntahla... x leh nak detect.. Patient lain semua sambung tidur. I dont know la kalau dey all can really go to sleep. As for me, suara bebi tu da buat I remang suda. Sib baik lampu tu, nurse biarkan terbuka sampai pagi.

I baca ayat Qursi.. Moment like this buat I teringat kat my bestiest, Nisa. Dia berani. Dia yang ajar I jadi berani. Dia kata, kite jangan takut sangat dengan bende2 macam ni. Lau takut pun buat2 berani. Bende tu x tau kite takut kat dalam hati. Tapi takyah berani over la. Dia siap ajar I lagi, pergi koridor ke, cakap dengan angin, "jangan kacau aku weh!, aku nak tido ni, ngantuk! jangan kacau.. jagn kacau.. shuh..shuh..! Tapi tak payah la nak pujuk rayu contohnye macam" tolongla... tolong jangan kacau akU"... kena tegas sikit..

I pernah buat few times bile I rase takut. X deny la, time buat tu, takut macam kambing tunggu nak sembelih, tapi ntahla, after that, really relieved and siap ley sambung tido lagi.. Hmmm, psikologi kot... hahaha..

Eh.. kenape cam da melalut ni.. Hahahaaaa... Actually I am damn sleepy sebab x tido lagi ni, tapi sengalnye da terminum segelas nescafe n macam kambingla nak tido.. Nescafe owes works best 4 me... So I was in sedative mode.. Khayal n rase nak melalut panjang panjang.. Muahahahhaha....

Mess, not a mass kaaaayyy~

I keep, I treasure, I care.
Once I mess it, I just dont know how to fix it back.
My mind tells me, it is easy.
I listen, I do as what I was told.
But nah,  I am surrender.
I just cannot force my muscle and my heart to work coordinately with my mind.
Maybe, yeah, my heart doesnt want it as much as my rational wants me to.
My heart keep saying, dont dont dont dont.
My mind block it and reply, solve it solve it solve it and you gonna be happy!

Oh, I am just a girl who stuck in between.
And for now, I just let my heart win.

..................................................................................

Tadi pegi review result thyroid function test kat PKP
although I dah trace pun result tu sendiri kat ward.
So resultnye everything were normal ;TSH n T4 in normal range.
So maybe, what I have is intention tremor.
But still, it impaired my life eventhough in not so serious way, you know.
Thus dr had referred me to neuro. Oh another thing to work out.
I had history of MVA and got stitches done in my head.

Oh maybe what I have is some neurological damage.
OMG! I should settle my debt with people first.
Nad, i hutang McD, Ajeng, i utang singgit, MPKB , i utang parking; receipt in my dashboard kete.
Tapi asyik lupe je nak bayar bile nampak adik2 manis ni..
OMG OMG OMG.... macam nak sepak2 je muke ni bile fikir karut2 macam ni..
Btw sis, the debts things were true...

AHHH!!! malasnye nak gi kelas... mood cuti suda~
k daaaaa~

A moment

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Kami budak group 2.

Group yang jarang outing same2.

Group yang banyak tikam tikam lidah.

Gaduh depan belakang kiri kanan.

Tapi time gelak, semua gelak kuat kuat sampai tak tahu mana lelaki mana perempuan.

Setiap orang ade perangai masing2. Ade yang I x suke , ade yang I suke. Tapi everyone pun is like a peanut with hard shell, but crunchy inside. Orang kata tak kenal maka x cinta. Tapi nak kenal tu, its a long time process. Ah , x kisahlah. Janji  jujur. x kutuk belakang2. Tapi time kutuk depan2, sakit woooo... Perang dunia!

I have never share my food and my drinks with non muslim before. Tapi dengan Tamil I banyak kali buat dah. Dengan die, I rase die cam Malay je. Sebab die memang kawan ngan dak Malay pun. Wife no 4 Ajeng tuuuhhh...hahha

Tapi gambar ni x complete ...HAmpir half lagi xde... Hmmm... entah bile la leh semua outing same2.. Kami semua suke wat hal sendiri... Kawan pun bergroup group x macam group lain.. Tapi setahun dengan diorang banyak kot memories... Satu hari mesti rindu.. Masing masing ada perangai comel yang ntah hape2...