Journal CFCS : 1

1/12/2011
First contact :  6 Utara

Raja Siti Syazwani (Abby), 8years old Malay lady from Kelantan.
presented with chief complaint of prolong fever which never subside after taking antibiotics and paracetamol associated with severe lethargy.
Blood investigation and bone marrow aspiration were done and confirmed ACUTE LYMPHOBLASTIC LEUKEMIA. 


Her mother treat me nicely but not Abby.
She stared at me as if I was a threat to her.
I guess next time I shouldnt wear white coat to approach her.




14/12/2011
2nd contact : Home (father) and 6 Utara (patient)

I have done a home visit.
House condition proved that they are from lower sosioeconomical status.
Parents were still in shock state and trying to understand what is Leukemia and how will the disease progress.


 Abby has been transferred to isolated room after started with chemotherapy.
She get used to me already. She was smiling but never talk to me.




......................................................................................................................................................


p/s : 

Ask me why I choose Leukemia patient?


He is the reason

On the left side, is my late brother who left us at the age of 3 y.o.
I never met him. He passed away when I was still not born.
My mom said, he passed away in a month duration after diagnosed with Leukemia but he is not treated.


Hmm... I wish I can do something to Abby.
The least, I hope I can add on smiles to her face.

O&G EOP

Alhamdulillah . Everything went well I guess after all the pressure.

I was just about to drown, I was just about to give up.

But a single saying from dr Fuad, "Hold on" saved me.

Love from my family inspired me.

Support from my friends encouraged me.

And message from 'somebody' cheered me.

Its gonna be paed in line.

I wish I could survive well also in this posting.

:)

I am done!
With my unintentionally poor attendance and bad attitude, I think I am done this time.
I am scared to death that Dr will failed me due to my attendance.
Oh dear, I just miss my ward round 2 times and 1 case presentation.
But, tell u , O&G (other posting as well) damn strict.
Its not about u are an A student in studies, it is about u are an A student in attitude perspective.

But nah!
I will keep striving.
There is no word give up in my life.
I wont let those silly mistakes to break my hopes.
I have a dignity that I have to combat for.
And my dignity requires me to keep stand still, unshakenly in whatever situation are.
Because I am me. :)

Sebab jatuh tu x sakit

Dalam berjalan, salah langkah memang lumrah.
berat kaki yang dihayun tapi tetap dihayun. 
Mahu undur, malas rasanya..
tuntas, terus berjalan. dengan harapan jalan ini tiba di penghujung yang sama.


Langkah dan terus melangkah.
Asing yang tiada lagi asing.
Sunyi yang tiada lagi makna sunyi.
Suasana baru. Segalanya baru.
Dan tempat aku bukanlah di situ.

I know I was wrong.
kata aku, aku x takut jatuh sebab jatuh tu x sakit.
Tapi, itu bicara mulutku yang sedang menipu.
Hati aku kata, jatuh mana yang tak sakit. 
Biarpun tidak membunuh, tapi tetap sakit.
parut! darah! ngerilah!


Buta.
butalah kalau nampak tapi samar.
Sesat.
sesatlah kalau pijak tapi hilang jejak.


Oh,
I just wanna be good. I wanna be ok.
But it was a wrong path either.
Oh can I just press the break?
N lay my car aside.
As if a broken one.
Tunggu dan lihatlah kalau2 ada yang mampu bantu aku.


P/s: Take me to the side!

Tik... Tok...

saya rasa macam ni dah. TAKOOOTTTTT..

v

v

v

Rasa macam nak buat macam kat bawah ni

 v

v

v

Stress, everyone hate it. Relaks, everyone want it.

Oh, I really wanna pass this exam... pleaseeee....

Tapi x cool la kan kalau fight halfway je.

ok.. common! selagi ada kaki, selagi cukup makan. Selagi labour room ade patient. Selagi ade nafas.

FIGHTING!

To my dear doctor,

saya bukan budak nakal. cume ade certain bad attitude sikit.

suke wat keje las minit. tapi saya struggle.

be generous... please..

wanna end this posting with smile... InsyaAllah.

To my dear self,

strive...strive...strive...

Lolly n Roza visit

Reunion!

After 4 years, we meet lolly n roza.

tiada beza. kami tiada. mereka pun tiada.

yang ada, rindu je.

ini kali pertama saya makan cotek. sedap.

kata mira, nama lainnya roti tampal.

punyelah dari tahun sudah nad kempen sal cotek, itu hari baru tergerak mahu try.

memang sedap!

Closer view of cotek. Ini di restoran favourite family nad. sebaris dengan hotel azam di kb. lupelah nama kedainya.

I x faham, kenapalah kalau orang yang luar dari kelantan datang ke kelantan mesti mahu meborong berbondong bondong. tudunglah, kainlah,dodollah, serundinglah. ibarat saya yang bershopping di jalan tar/jamek, begitulah mereka. hua... 

N last sekali, birthday celebration. x sangka kot. punyelah i meronda kb mall tu, x sedar pun bile masa dey all beli kek. this time special sebab kami sambut dengan presence of lolly n roza. btw, thanx to my besties, naddo. punyelah mereka plan dngn aien n bebi but x jadi sebab time factor. last2 sambut kat selera che ct pon ok. bizi kan 4th year ni? huaaa...

las sekali jorney to pantai irama. paling bes. duduk lepak2 sambil makan lokceng n sata. tapi tade gambarlah. haha.. teringat kata dr che anuar. 2 sebab  students xde  masa untuk study is, tido n lepak. memang betul pun. banyak lepak je. huhu.

p/s: rindulah dengan budak2 S2 yang lain. kami kelas yang agak tercorot di pasum. banyak main n photoshoot plak tu. tapi kami ada banyak memory bersama. rindu saat tu.

Life recently

Life recently full of laugh and tears.

Study .. log book.. study... kena marah...

majlis kahwin sana sini.

event celebration lagi.

sekejap tertawa. kemudian menangis.

inilah namanya kehidupan.

kata senior, jangan  biar log book control kita. major stressor is log book. kalau stress, makan ice cream ramai2 sambil wat lawak bodoh barulah pergi tangis, datang tawa.

hidup need changes. xpernah minum air pisang, pegi order air pisang. Minum air jagung gelas kecik, next time gelas besar pulak. tea 3 layer, kacau2 jadi one layer je. ape2 pun, janji lepas minum, mulut tersenyum puas. 

Biar meje kecik, sumbat duduk ramai2. makan size pinggan nak bagi yang gergasi punya. tapi hidup perlu pengorbanan. sebab x mampu tampung semua pinggan gergasi, seorang kena bekorban makan kuew teow dalam mangkuk yang kecik.

So kalau orang tanye, "nape kau x nampak stress"?

"ko ni relaks je aku tengok"

padahal buku log ko BERSIH!

well, thats is life.

kalau stress, dont show it in your face. buat tambah wrinkle je.

Instead, go and enjoy life more.

create more smiles in your diary.

MORE STRESS, MORE SMILES.

bile nak exam, dengan buku log yang BERSIH, baru kite start stress ok..

EXCLUSIVE! Farah kahwin

Perlahan lahan, kami berubah seiring dengan masa.

Alang dah grad, k.sofi dah pregnant, Farah dah kawin.

Me? matang sikit kot..hahaks.. 

harapan saya, Alang pun cepat2 kawin... hihi

Perkahwinan ni bukan sesuatu yang senang. Farah sendiri pun ada halangan tersendiri waktu minta permission dari parentsnya untuk kahwin dengan Adib.. kan2? Yelah, kahwin masa belajar. Parents mana yang setuju senang2. Btw, my parents pun kahwin di usia muda. Abah umur 23 mak 21 kot.  Tapi orang dulu2, biasa je kahwin awal ni.

hmm, Muni tunggu grad je kot. Gee tu pun da berseri seri mukenye. Berkat jadi pengapit pun dah ambik, tunggu masa jela tu..hahha

Seronok je tengok kawan2 kahwin awal ni. Hii.. x sabar pun ade. Tapi lagi x sabar tuggu K.long, K.sya, P.su ju n K.ain yg kahwin. Teringin nak ada perubahan besar lam hidup kami sekeluarga.

Nasib baik ade Pija n Muni... Nak harapkan saya, sibuk duk ambil gambar jela kerjanya. Mamarazi la katakan. Gee tu poyo je lebih. haha

Apa apa pun saya doakan agar perkahwinan Farah dan Adib kekal hingga ke syurga. I could not imagine kalau Farah termengandung time study ni.. haha.. cam suwit je..hahahks

Video di atas diambil sehari sebelum majlis Farah. Tiap kali saya ke Johor, mesti suruh Farah bawak saya jalan jalan naik motor. Seronok! Nak harapkan saya bawak motor sendiri, sampai mati pun macam mustahil je. huhu.. Saya harap kanda saya nanti pun pandai bawak motor. Boleh bawak saya pusing2..hiii...

At the end

At the end, I still typical.

I act strong, but I am weak.
I act happy, but I am crying.
I act ignorance, but I care.
I act confidence, but I am a total coward.
I act cool, but I am struggle.
I act as if I  forget, but I do remember.

This is just the way I am.

untitled

(Mature side)
I thought one time ago, I was making decision not to write anything about romantic feeling anymore.
Romance can kill heart you know.
But here, alone in this raining season, I hardly resist my feeling.
Thus, dear heart, give me medical leave today.
I need to fix my heart.
haha... macam poyo lebih.