We live, we died

6.40pm, 5 Feb 2010, Jumaat..
I safely arrived at my hometown...

As usual, I g umah mek along.. makan2..mandi...n lepak in k.long's room..
At about 8. 45, noise heard downstair..
"mak ngoh rebah..."3X...
Sepantas kilat i berlari...

masuk bilik ayoh,
mek terbaring mengiring.. wajah pucat...
tubuh masih panas.. kaki sejuk..'
Kami baringkan supine.

I tried palpating for d pulse.. cant feel...
Che mah kate, die rase but very weak.
I called d ambulans n passed d phone to che mah..
Ayah was mundar mandir calling d other children,
hoping dat sempat la dey all jumpe their mom buat last time.

I palpate 4 d pulse again n again ... no sign jua..
I geleng my head to my aunt.. telling them,
my nenek is dead oredi...
15 minutes later, ambulan arrived..
Check2 n sorry 2 my ayoh...
Telling him...arwah is no longer alive..

Aku menyesal..
Kalaulah aku cepat, pasti aku sempat bertemu dengan arwah sewaktu hidupnya,
aku temani arwah sepanjang malam..
Disaat menantikan kepulangan anak2 arwah yang lain..

Aku kucup kedua pipi arwah..
Aku sapukan kapur di sekeliling tikar...
Aku tatap wajah arwah buat sepuas hatinya..
Aku berjaga di sisi arwah
Wajah itu pucat tetapi tenang....
aku terasa bagai mimpi.
4am , family aku tiba di kg..
Barulah aku lena..

Pagi tadi,
aku mandikan jenazah..
Sejuk...sungguh sejuk..
Sentuhan buat kali terakhir.
Kemudian
aku iringi pemergian arwah ke kubur..
Sungguh.... aku masih terasa bagai mimpi.

Bila saat aku tiba,
aku mahukan begitu..
aku mahukan seluruh ahli keluargaku disampingku..
Setia membacakan yassin..

Luahan Hati

Behind d scene...
Few days b4 course nite n fam day...



gazebo
Reramai turun bancuh kertas ngn air nak wat kek,
(Yana, mira, hikmah, aien, zira, zu, aina, jiha n...
but x jadi hasil...

Aras 3, depan tv
Nad n Mira tido bape jam jer kowt...
Sebab nak siapkan gimik...Few days kowt.
Berebut nak pakai peleka ngn dak fikh perubatan lak..
Nak bungkus kotak wat penutup gimik agi



Bilik Farhana,
fana, fakhira, azi, izzati n 2 1st year.. sibuk bungkus hadiah...
Tensen mereka... ngn adiah yang berlambak..
Kad2 tok 5th n 1st year...
Normal value dari che din



Bilik ainin,
Katil da dihuni doorgift..
hasil tulisan mira, aina n aku.
lantai da berselerakan with kain, paper, alat tulis, bebarang..
Tido pon bersepah..
Afiq n Su datang siapkan doorgift..
Tampalkan no cabutan bertuah
Tido 2 jam..
Bangun antar balik nurani n readi 4 family day
Menjahit kain tok Best Dress..
A day b4, farhana n Afiq memborong di mydin...
Mengambil cupcakes

Kat bawah Dm 3,
kegiatan props santai production giat berjalan..
kereta merce x merce la..


Ukast n Pembangunan..
A day 2 settle evitin.. (khamis yer)
Upenye elektric supply x mintak, technical things x settle...
Jumpe pn Suhayani, abe ayie, ava psp... dimalukan di situ..
terima kasih en fatah...

Mencari dj, mencari mc di malam hari...
Menyuruh Fatin mencari usherers n Piala holders n suruh org wat video..
Membeli air mineral...


Dat day..
Menyusun meja bulat..
Kuasa 3 wanita n 3 lealki 2 susun 4o meja with 10 kerusi each..
nad, mira, ahda, akasah, izzaz n prem..
Seb baik sihat sejahtera..
Leave d Family day to psp hicom..



Kalaulah kalian mengetahui..
Baper banyak da, aku susahkan kekawan aku...
Appreciate D14 d most rather than my own batch..
(plus ahadi n d gang la)

Aper2 pon glad to have everything setlled...
hari tu kami teri ma lots surprised.
lori neskape datang ( ingatkan x dtg, surat x cek kat hep)
cikgu bagi kotak gimik kat nad..
K.dah tolong staplerkan meja..
so huru hara..
but lawak giler...
Siyes... kami rindu~

Going stable...

Life as medical student is started back...
no more fb.. (kerkadang boley la)
habiskan notes...
tele o conner, robbins...report..
Jumpe anuar, "ainin, paperwork da emel kat dr?
Apex ten... oh raimi..
Jumpe kak izzah, "laporan kejayaan da antar?
k.long mssge, "jung minggu ni free x? mek wat maulud rasul, balikla"
Farah, "Ainin , jom gi melawi, jumaat n sabtu.. reramai gi nih..
Mira.. "mcq...mcq...mcq.."
report ct agi...
adeyh...
N satu pon i x start agi...
Malam ni nak pecut.. Lepas menulis dan menulis... aku pasti bertenaga..
Lepas evitin settle, cari tiket n balik umah...yeay!!

pilu...
Kenapa they seem like putting blame on me r???
Sungguh aku x tau ape2 pon..
But im not blaming them 2..
Life must have tolak ansur..
ntahlah, kalo debat, konfirm aku kalahnye..
Sebab, yang benar tetap benar, n yang batil tetap batil...
But carila other method nak influences others..
ni x, aku pon rase cam nak sokong other side..
Huuu.. Manusia itu berbeza sungguh...

PSP Family Day n Course Night

Wah... Da abes da...
Sesangat lega n rinduuuu...
Penat nak mati...
Sekarang rilek nak matiiii..
Jus one conclusion...
I loove u all....
sampai mati pon tetap sayang

Tulis lagi... TUlis.. jangan x tulis...

Bercakap soal manusia lagi...
macam2 perangai..
rambut samer hitam, hati lain2...
lagi,
tido sebantal, mimpi lain2...
macam2 kan manusia nih...

Manusia suka menilai..
menilai dan menganggap...
making assumption..
Die pon rase assumption die betol..
Tahukah die, serapat mane pon manusia tu,
x kan reach d dasar hati kowt...
Dats y Allah jadikan lisan untuk berbicara..
wajah untuk mengekspresikan,
N minda untuk menilai..
Aku mahukan manusia itu satu..
Satu hati, satu jiwa dan satu rasa.

Aku clerk patient lagi malam ni,
Diabetic foot patient,
aku nilai die, die nilai aku..
same2 kami mengkodkan manusia di dalam simpanan memori kami..
Fikirku, die marah kot aku kacau die tido,
tapi aku tetap kejut.. (hehhe, nad la yang suruh)..
litle did i expect, die ley senyum lagi layan kami...
Biar sakit.. terkejut mungkin...
First tyme diagnosed with diabetis,
lik2 da effect kaki,
foot ulceration...
Tapi urat2 tua itu tetap meregang tersenyum...

I learnt from her..
Life is full with kesedihan..
kegembiraan jua..
wajah n feeling yang pelbagai..
But kitelah pilih, ape yang kiter nak...
keep on smiling~
make ourselves hepi..
make others hepi...

mok, ari ni nini baca buku...
bace sebab nak g clerk patient..
male ni, nini baco lagi deh...
hahhaha... hati seorang ibu..
risau anak die x bace buku..
risau menangis di kemudian hari..
tangisan si anak jua adalah tangisan si ibu..
namun, tangisan si ibu,
sesamelah kita nilaikan ,
dimana kita pahatkan.

Jeram mengaji

Wajah wajah manusia

Aku menilai..
Kalian menimbang..

Aku lihat... Aku perhati... dan aku mula mengerti...
Manusia itu pelbagai...
Cantik wajah, mulia pekerti,
Buruk paras, rosak peribadi,
cantik wajah, rosak peribadi,
Buruk paras, mulia pekerti,
dan kalian teruskan melihat......

Saat aku menulis, aku makan asam plum pow tow,
Saat kalian membaca, kalian makan kacang..
pelbagai bukan??

Potret diatas direalisasikan dengan tangan
dan keindahan perilaku seorang warga asing..
"Sir, do u need my help to take d photo"
ayahku berkata.. "yeah..sure2"..
Warga asing??? aku sendiri pon x pernah
menawarkan khidmat sebegitu...
Dimanakah sikap bangsaku (aku) yang aku bangga2kan..
Yeah... memang pelbagai.

Saat ini.... celaru fikiranku...
aku merancang.. terlalu banyak...
dan terus merancang..
sedangkan saat terus berinjak...
tik...tikk...tik...
n i feel so longlai..
tetiba su kate,
NIN, u wont know how strong u are,
until to be strong is ur last choice...
haha... nice n STRONG phrase...

Justeru,
to be strong n indah perilaku is my last choice...
By hook or by crook,
to survive is to have my last choice on..
hahah... merapu....

reaching the tower

I once dream,

I wanna touch the moon.

I wanna colour the sky.

I wanna count d stars...

2day, i count the stars of scorpius..

16 main stars made d scorpius all..

Antares... D brightest one in da family.

I want to be like Antares...

Shining bright and sharing d light in d nightime sky.

When i was a child,

I asked my dad, how to differientiate between a satellite and a star.

U know how???
My dad said,

look! bintang berkelip2 whilst satellite is not..

N dat is when i first start observing the stars with full interest...

N i keep on looking and staring the stars till now.

trying to differentiate between stars and satellite.

N i dont care which one is which.

I enjoy and appreciate them both......

World is revolving in circle.

i grew... and become older

I saw and listened...

My she pulak yang asked my dad,

naper bulan tu suka ikut kite...???

naper yerk...

hahhaa... i sigh in my heart..

huh!! soalan aku dulu2 tuh..

aper ayah aku jawab yerp???? nggak ingat sudah...

yang pasti, when i saw d moon..

kami, my siblings mesti tutup buka mulut n create a sound"wa..wa...wa...wa"..

reason??? x nak bagi gagap...

N ...have u ever notice,

at d moon surface,

theres like a muka ayam (due 2 d kawah2 actually)..

haha... my childhood imagination...

Sebab i read a tale in KAWAN,

a naughty boy, kna bawak lari oleh giant cock to d moon...

die nangis nak balik ke bumi tapi x ley..

Sebab die hurt his moms feeling...

Sebab that tale, aku pernah takut 2 c ayam n bulan..

oh bulan.....

whatever it is,

nightime sky is d most amazing and wonderful creatures for me.

N i will keep counting the stars...!~

Life is like an open diary...~

Pantai mana yang x pernah dirempuh badai...?
Bumi mana yang tak pernah ditimpa hujan...?
Langit mana yang tak pernah dilitupi awan..?
Kalau ada katakanlah....

Aku yakin..
Diary A yang penuh dengan pen2 bewarna merah n kesan cecair liquid.
Lebih bermakna dari diari B yang kemas dan tersusun.
Cantik zahirnya, tapi pengisiannya hambar.
Aku memilih diary A.

Everywhere we go..
keatas, kebawah, kedepan atau kebelakang.
Kita pasti TETAP akan menyakitkan dan disakiti.
Itulah kehidupan.
Tanpanya, life gonna be very dull.
But with it,
we learn about resistance..
Sakit yang tersangat-sangat sakit yang akhirnya
akan hilang makna sakit itu sendiri..
We learn about controlling, adapting and modifying and curing the illnesses.
Time heals..
but do ensure the healing process is without any scarring.

So,
i am sorry.
I know, this time,
i am the one which yang menyakitkan.
Aku percya,
dengan kesakitan.
we will appreciate ones better.
It is just like a practice to be an adult.
How we wanna put our futureself in we confront this situation again n again..
But of course with our future spouse la.
I saw many of my mom's tears oredi.
Tears bila susah... tears bila disakiti... tears bila melahirkan ak ( but of course, i didnt c dis one)
N my moms keep on survive..
she keep survive dude...
N of course, we also can..
Go!!! we must harungi this together!!!
I must be strong... U must be patient...
Untill we developed resistance, life will be ok then.
ukhwahfillah~

Serius ingin terbang ke langit...

Ermmm...
Life is full of challenges..
Hampir saja i fall down.
But, i really learn a lot of things.
Aku hnya bisa jadi kuat with support of my frens.

Course night nearly arrived to d late phase oredi.
Tyme which i afraid the most.
Tyme to face others reaction.
Huhu..
i learn something from nad.
Tangan yang memberi adalah lebih baik dari yang menerima.
I learnt from d context,
tangan yang memberi mampu meleburkan dunia.
If kita diberi kehampaan,
balaslah dengan kesenangan.

i tried on my pblmate,
dy kate he didnt wanna go..
i said, its ok, i pay 4 u..
up 2 u, wanna come or not..
n he said, ok2... ill pay...
But i serious da nak treat dy after all..
my ketua pbl jer ponn... sangat baik hati.
hahaha...

Sungguh, im tired oredi..
But saat tulah,
nad xtrakan effort dy..
Su x putus2 support me...
mira treat me makan kat umi add..
aien n hikmah treat me better..
hahaha..
thanx frens.
frens which i cannot buy with money..
hanya kerana rm 10..

I also received nice 2 be heared news..
Puvin kate, no prob with 4 th year..
He even offered himself nak wat performance..
Sungguh... aku happy...

Terima kasih semua...
pasni insyaAllah, aku nak gi semua makan malam ...
mki, cny... mpi.. iiiii...hahahha~